Friday, April 24, 2009

It's 4:15 a.m. and I can't sleep, what better time to blog than now..

Life is just one big amusement park, I didn't say my body is, I said life is. Sometimes it's fun and sometimes it's not. I know that at the end of the day I'm tired. Oh, it's 4 am and I can't sleep?? Hmmm, I have too much on my mind, my 16 year old is just making me so worried. I want to just take her and sit her down, turn her over and spank her, HARD!!! I have never worried so much in my life about anyone. She is living with her dad and has no rules, well I didn't have rules, I had expectations. Anyway, I just pray for her all day long. I love her so so so much. She is my first born, I had her alone for 3 years, I fell in love with that cute little baby. She did make Queen in a baby contest out of 170 babies I think. She got first, she was a beautiful baby and little girl, she still is beautiful.

I have an appointment with workforce services on Tuesday to look into going to school. I guess there is some money for training for 2009, so I applied. Blech school. I really need to get a degree though. I am working part-time at Macy's, which I love. I really wanted to apply for a HR position, it's an assistant part-time but only days and I can't stick my baby with a sitter. No way. I am still nursing Luke, Daran hates it, he doesn't support it at all. I go through spurts of wanting to quit. I need to get back into shape, I'm anemic, I am tired too much.

Daran graduates next week, but then it all starts over, he wants to keep going. I have supported his schooling for 3 years I'm tired of it. I'm ready for him to get a decent job and a normal schedule. His schedule our whole marriage has been school all day, work at 3 until midnight. I do everything with the kids and home alone. I try not to complain, I know it's for the better, it just sucks. I appreciate him for his hard work. I just want a clean kitchen on Sundays. haha.

Luke is in speech therapy and he went from weekly to monthly now to every other week. He just isn't up to where he should be. He is so much fun, he brings us all so much joy. I wish I could have 3 more kids, I would if I could. I love being a mother but DAMN groceries are expensive. Kids are expensive. I am expensive. I spend half of my check that I get from Macy's at Macy's, I will stop this May 1st. I can't pass up the good deals but who needs it all. I buy Aleeya and Luke stuff, no one else really cares. Luke has every Nike outfit that Macy's makes, not really but sheeesh. Aleeya is a clothes aholic. I like it.

I submitted my application for my temple blessings to be restored and I'm awaiting in the results, crossing my fingers but not getting too excited. I had to write a letter to the First Presidency and that was hard and stressful. But I did it, Daran had to write a letter and Mike and my bishop. TMI I know. I'm not the perfect obedient person that I should be.

Well it is 4:37 in the am and I know this blog is useless without pics so next time I will be posting pics. I can imagine the spelling errors and grammar errors but oh well, deal with it.